“Watching the video that you sent me…’’, the tunes of Sweet from Cigarettes After Sex filled the air while she took another puff and tapped the cigarette to shed some dead moments from her life into the ashtray. The song was now just something that reminded her of the times she was obsessed with dreams that weren’t real. There was no other song that read her story syllable by syllable. In the song was a tale of her life that she kept secret from every soul. It was the lyrics laced with something that kept her face masked from the world, to connect the dots of what she was could be the last thing the world around her could gather.
When the song ended, she sat up abruptly in her bathtub, looking around to find her own consciousness in a duel. She remembered the times she meant it when she said; she’ll gladly break her heart for someone. She was obsessed with the thought, touch, breath and every ounce of flesh that was now past for her. She sat motionless and ran fingers through her hair, a smile etched on her lips that was perfect for the blackness in her.
As she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a robe around her, the stark white robe was now a conspirator in her acts. Unlocking her phone, she played the video of him she was obsessed with. It was her favourite video from him from the time of their togetherness. This was the video to her secret so deep that could unveil the bittersweet love she had for him that consumed her.
In the dead of the night, she slipped into her bed and lit another cigarette; she held her phone with a smile on her face. Now was the time that she whispered into the night how she loved him and couldn’t share him with anyone. She played her favourite video of them for the last time; it was their last one together. He was there sitting in the same bathtub with hair dripping wet and body covered in blood. She was kneeling by his side with a knife in her hand as she fondly stared at the knife wound that slit his throat open, the gushing crimson matched the lingerie she wore to celebrate their one year of togetherness.
The phone camera on the wash counter has recorded their final moments of his life and the final ones of her obsession. There was one thing she wanted the most, for him to be hers in every way possible. What made this want turn to obsession that sentenced him life? His affair with the other one, she has just found out. Her eyes filled with tears but they weren’t of sadness, she had him with her now. Their favourite song always said that she’ll gladly break her heart for it. She did, she broke herself.
As the twilight etched the sky, the secret was out. She had killed him and stayed in the tub with him after she let him go. She deleted the video and bid him goodbye and walked up to the French window to let the moon into her room. Throwing open the window, she stood on the very edge. The moon welcomed her and she let go. As she fell down the storeys, the half-burnt cigarette on her bed, the phone with the deleted video and a blood-smeared boyfriend in the bathtub were the only confidants of the secret of hers. Cigarette After Sex’s Sweet was still on repeat holding the secret of her sweet.